1. God realised that trying to organise 6 billion people into an orderly line for final judgment would have made Australia’s treatment of asylum seekers look humane and well-developed.
2. MasterChef is still on.
3. God actually decided to flood the world again, then he remembered Waterworld with Kevin Costner.
4. There are still several female junior staffers on Silvio Berlusconi’s campaign team that he hasn’t slept with or sexually harassed yet.
5. It was just a massive prank started by someone who just wanted to get laid. In other news, Prince Harry and Princess Catherine are still happily married.
6. Despite his political career and marriage going up in flames, Arnold Schwarzenegger still owes us for “Batman and Robin” and “Kindergarten Cop.”
7. God figured that even if the world does end, somehow someone would STILL put a stupid planking photo up on Facebook.
8. Bruce Willis already destroyed the meteor more than 10 years ago, in a documentary called “Armageddon.”
9. There’s just not enough cocktail glasses or nachos in heaven for everyone (although there’s a guy up there who can do pretty good with five fishes and a loaf of bread).
10. God just doesn'tt know what to do with all the atheists.
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